February is known as the month of love. We see a lot of people committing themselves or each other to a relationship as a way of celebrating love. This is often a marvel to watch and one can’t ignore the open expression of love and affection and the sharing of love messages around Valentine’s Day.
I am writing this blog just to add my voice on how important love is in our relationships. This could be romantic or professional relationships and I thought one can share a few points on some important elements for lasting relationships.
Before I do that… let me hasten to say that the best relationship to nurture and focus on in the first instance is a relationship with self.
Self-love and self-care/nurturing for me is at the top of my priorities. When we love ourselves and accept ourselves as we are we tend to be less dependent on others. Our expectations are more manageable as we have created the foundational base for our being and relate with others from a point of power. It goes without saying that we need to invest in the things we love and ensure that we allocate time and resources towards ourselves… This could be the time to read; buy yourself gifts; spend time with yourself; make time to rest and rejuvenate; learn to say no etc. Whatever it is that tickles your fancy, I just want to affirm you and say….” Yes, I matter”
Having set the foundation one would like to share a few relationship anchors that make any relationship last I do not profess to be expressive in this field however I feed the need to share my thoughts and views just to put things out there in the open for us to engage on. Of course not every point resonates with everyone and there could be other additional anchors …
Let’s hear them and keep sharing in the spirit of love.
Here are my anchors;
- Relationships work better when there is a shared future, and goals and these are based on a common set of values and approaches to life or work. I have seen many team members or even couples, struggle with defining what are their common shared values! What is their outlook on the future? Do they see the world and the organisation they work for in the same way? Do they have a common or similar approach to how to get to that future? I always suggest that for any team it is important to discuss the “future they want” right from the beginning.
- Trust is an important anchor. This can be developed over time but when it is absent oftentimes there are doubts and questioning of people you hear terms like…” he/she has a hidden agenda”. Some people hold the view that trust is earned and it develops in a person showing dependability and reliability. I know for sure the absence of trust leads to instability, retards growth and usurps energy. Spend time in defining what this means for you and seek to find or build it for mutual benefit.
- Shared Vulnerability – Brene Brown gives a powerful TED talk on the subject of vulnerability and discusses how some of us because of fear, tend not to open ourselves up because we will be seen as not to be good enough or even not so perfect, intelligent or strong. I have news for you, as the secret to a strong connection is vulnerability. Go out there show that you are human, can make mistakes and learn from them; indicate when you are scared or you do not have all the answers. It is in the vulnerability that personal growth and connection arise.
- Acceptance and forgiveness – This begins with accepting yourself as you are and knowing that nobody is perfect or as they say “there is perfection in the imperfections” and this will help you grow. Forgive yourself and others for sometimes letting you down and accept that love resides where there is acceptance and forgiveness.
As we celebrate this time please remember that love is important and we need to love ourselves so that we can love others. We are capable of loving and all we need to do is just to permit ourselves to do so.
Loving you always
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